Mind Over Mountain: My Battle with My Mind on Kilimanjaro
- Stacey MacKinnon
- Jun 18
- 3 min read
Life changing moments come from life changing thoughts.
Fifteen years ago, this is the month it happened- I'll forever celebrate this accomplishment.
It was the most profound lesson and testament to the power of the mind, despite the limitations of the body.
Depleted of energy, altitude sickness and sleep deprivation couldn't stop my mind from achieving what it set forth to do.
After 4 long days of trekking for 7 to 9 hours every day, my team always being the last to arrive at camp, heeding the wisdom of our guide, Daniel who repeated "Pole, pole" all day long ("slow, slow" - going slow means less oxygen and energy expenditure and more time to acclimatize), on the fourth night of trekking, it was time.
Starting at midnight, on less than 3 hours of sleep, with an empty, nauseous stomach, we set out with headlights shining in the black night, in a single fashion line.
For an exhausting 9 hours, I repeated "One step, one step" to keep me going- with numb fingers and toes, barely able to stay awake, using my walking poles to hold me up, slipping on scree, surviving on nothing but small sips of electrolyte water, hallucinations and nausea from altitude sickness, in 5 layers of clothes requiring to be de-layered and layered back and forth every 10-20 minutes, sitting only during our 2 minute breaks, trying to muster up any little drop of energy, while a vast array of emotions swirled through me (from annoyance to frustration to anger).
I didn't care about watching the sunrise from the heights or taking in the view above the clouds - I was fatigued and pissed I had to take off a layer I just put on 5 minutes prior, barely able to move my fingers.
Others were seen being rushed off the mountain within the first couple hours, covered in silver hypothermia blankets, and some requiring helicopter extraction to save them- the risks were life threatening.
At the last stop where we were given a cup of black tea, the summit appeared seeming so close, yet, 45 minutes is so far away when you feel like an empty vessel trudging through snow.
I was going to scream if one more person who already made it, and passed us on their way down said "Congrats, you're almost there!".
To make it worse, the mp3 player I brought, loaded with beautiful, inspiring music, and the song I trained to for 3 months, the song I wanted to play as I approached the roof of Africa, wouldn't play! I had the mp3 player tucked against me, under 5 layers, how could it be frozen? I was so upset it wouldn't play- I was even more tearful and mad.
And then, finally, I made it! As I stood there, atop the highest mountain of Africa, I closed my eyes, took in the deepest breath, and the tears started to spill.
I was filled with so much gratitude - for allowing my mind to lead me, for persevering when I wanted to quit a thousand times, for believing in myself, for teaching me how powerful my mind is in pushing me through all the physical demands, and for proving to myself I can make my dreams a reality, for doing something I didn't want to do and coming out so much stronger and wiser because of it, for not allowing fear to hold me back.
It took another 4 hours to get back down to camp for the night, and when I arrived and collapsed in my tent, the emotions and tears continued to spill and release.
I bawled my eyes out for 45 minutes straight!
It took another 2 days to get off the mountain. Trudging through a forest of thick red mud, ankle deep, my right knee in excruciating pain, making me hobble, while my toenails throbbed (eventually both would fall off, sorry TMI!), we eventually arrived at the centre where we were awarded certificates of achievement, a shower, a meal and reunited with all of our team, to reminisce about what we'd just gone through.
Just when you think you can't, keep pushing. Keep expanding the pliable boundaries of your mind.
Something exhilarating is waiting on the other side.
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